screwed up day

Lalalala..nth much to blog today..same old faces in school..same old bitchy lecturers n boring tutorial..hmm..could life in poly be more interesting? hmm..anyway..I am screwed, Screwed, SCREWED..honestly i also dunno why i am typing that..just feeling screwed up..oh ya..got to see diane today cuz of wy..(just being random cuz suddenly recall)

today lessons..i almost kill myself in school..lolx..from 8am start a 4 hours lab straight..OMG..then for the last tutorial of the day..lucky it was something i already know..so i slept for the first 15 mins of the class..actually still very tired..then want fall back to sleep de..but the class is super noisy..then i didn't want to plug in my ear piece into both ears..cuz later teacher let us go i also dunno..so i tahan for another 5 mins..go out wash face n come back..then another 5 mins go out again cuz xy passing me something..then another 5 mins walk out to toilet to wash face again(thats how bad my day was!) lolx..finally lesson end..i chiong out to blk 807 that provision shop to get a can of redbull..if not i going to die my way back..

then..when walking back home..i saw one super familiar face..at first very far away..he looks quite tall..somemore dye his hair de..so i thought confirm dunno one..but that pe t-shirt he wearing is my bedok north pe t-shirt for my sec1 n sec2..(cuz when i am in sec 3..pe shirt design change)then that pe shirt..so long as having that pe shirt n playing bball de..mostly i know de..somemore appear at my hs area..is so so so rare..so took a very closer look..OMG..Its Ming feng lor..then end up..was supposed to go home..but i ended up at bball court from 5pm till 8.30pm..played one 3-on-3 then 4-on-4 then 2 matches of 5v5 full court..kao..my leg muscles are going to kill me!!! ending here..tml going queensway shopping mall with joe then meeting miss liauw for dinner..i giving her more n more nickname..lolx

jiayou bro

我和政运，说好了。
不会逼对方说出分手的原因。
政运加油！
我知道，憋在心里，
不把事情告诉兄弟们，
是很难受的。
我也曾经历过。
会熬过去的。
渐渐的转开头，
慢慢放手不去在乎
她的世界，
将话题脱离她的名字。
一切会更好。
我已经，不会再去在乎别人眼里的我
是个怎么样的人。
why bother about ppl who dun understands u and always say that we are the ones who hurt them when they nv know the whole story behind..i have learn to let it go..about wad other ppl says n thinks about us..because only those who really understands will stay by u no matter wad..so..just be urself...

does girls appreciate wad we do?

i really doubt true love in this world now..zy n mandy..they lasted for 4 years plus..by dec this year will be their 5 year anniversary..yet they broke up already..today zy call all of us out in the afternoon to drink..so whole group of us were like..zy got drink de mehx??? lolx..cuz normally if we got gathering..we will have to dare him to drink..so..was kinda surprised..then he suddenly break the news say he joining in the "单身俱乐部" we was damn shocked..hello..a 5years relationship..lolx..other brother didn't know..but zy came to me just now n tell me..now i finally understand why u will break wif zhang'e..cuz he knows there is some reason i didn't say n everyone starts thinking i am the one who hurts zhang'e..including mandy..so kinda like he understands how much stress i have to face after that relationship..we didn't tell each other the reason we broke up wif the girl we had been together wif..but deep down..we know there is something that had happened..cheer up bro..need someone to go drink..wy n me will always be free to go over..btw..try not to take up smoking..like wad i did..

如果爱情，变成是一种压力。
成为一种负担。
继续紧握着，
对两人都不公平。
放手，离开，
并非逃避，
而是选择让你
生活的更开心。
与其让你在我身边伤心难过，
放手让你走，
去找寻你的快乐。
放手后，你们总觉得是我们对不起你。
在别人眼里，
我们也从全校口中的好男人，
变成假情假意的男人。
无所谓别人的眼光。
倔强的说不痛，
假装什么伤都没有。
勉强抬起头，
决不让眼泪往下流。
如果开口说分手，
就是伤害你。
可是结束感情的我们，
难道就不痛？？
你们，能在朋友们面前伤心流泪。
我们却只能当坏人。
眼睁睁看着曾经属于我们的微笑。
离去。。。
你们从获自由，
我们却被困在这里。
选择用另一种方式来爱你。
在你们不断的依赖下。
宠坏你们。
渐渐对你们的爱，
让你们对我们的要求越来越高。
选择放手，
让你们学会独立，
去珍惜你们所拥有的。

lolx..funny day?

25th oct
stupid fever..came at such a right time when i was suppose to go out with liting.. =.= think cuz recently keep walking under the rain..anyway..thanks for ur msg wor.. =D

26th oct
stupid match at woodland street 41..whereby no straight bus there so have to take mrt n walk all the way in..hmm..conclusion..soul won..my hp batt flat when anthony called..meaning i nv reply soklyn n liting's good luck charm..lolx..then today by right should stay at home cuz huixian coming over to my place (dun misunderstood..she is my future dasao) =D this is her first visit so actually need stay at home help my bro entertain her.. =.= but too bad..sorry gor..SOUL got match today..hmm..btw..she come over today ask my mom teach her how to make agar agar..hahas..lolx..then so kua zhang..she bought cookies n chocolate n bring them over..err i dun remember ze bringing anything during her first visit..LOL..hmm anyway..my brother very pro lor..tell her buy so much things..end up feeding me only.. =.= erm..which is quite true..cuz my bro dun like sweet stuffs..then my parents seldom eat those also..anyway..went over to godma hs then eat dinner together..gor told me huixian dun eat seafood de..but today my mom steam prawns..then she say very nice n keep eating..super funny..then i softly ask my bro..i thought u say she dun eat seafood de..then my bro..look at her then me n him started laughing..then at first me n my bro thought mom very kua zhang..give her too much rice..then when bro show huixian the amount of rice..her reaction is "so much??" but..she finish the whole plate of rice lor..make me n my brother laugh like mad today..HAHAHAs

教练，不要再躲了。

我自认自己不是一个优等学生。但我从不认为，打篮球是我成绩不好的原因。我承认，我不爱读书，也讨厌新加坡强迫学生们，有种"成绩好就是成功的人" 的教育制度，可我从来也没有逃避过这个制度。不管是小学还是中学，我总是在最后一刻，得到自己应该得到的成绩。
我自己也从来不知道，为什么会和篮球结缘。父母，甚至所有亲戚里，都没有爱打篮球的人。我却从小就爱上，那种超越一切在球场上飞翔的感觉。这世界里，唯有篮球，能让我忘记一切烦恼。很多人都说，篮球不过是10个人抢一颗球在塞进篮框的白痴运动。只是因为，他们从不曾知道，对球员们而言。将篮球投入篮框的那一霎那，球员们就找到属于他们自己的世界。这种感觉，对我而言，已经超过了拥有全世界。我从来不会在意在球技上输给任何人，只因为我知道，除了俊伟和铭安以外，我不会输给任何人，因为，我们心里真正的对手，不是那种只会打球得到个人荣耀，或是为了泡美眉而打球的球员。我们找寻的，是一个将篮球当成生命的人。一个有尊严的篮球员。教练，你曾说过，输赢不重要，最重要的是，对得起在场上和自己并肩作战的兄弟，要每一场比赛，都能将自己的百分之百发挥出来。还要让自己，开开心心的打球。
你曾说过，真爱与篮球是球员的灵魂。所以我，俊伟和铭安才会一直努力追求你所说的真爱，因为你说的，我们都一直努力跟随，只是你却为了师母，放弃我们。你却在师母离开之后，还告诉我们，继续相信真爱的存在。你却慢慢的放弃我们。
将这整个球队交给我，你除了逃避，就不会做点别的吗？听秀婷说你回来了。自己去面对你所放弃的所有球员。所有和我们一起拼命的兄弟们。

伤心时，转开头，闭上眼，同时也拒绝了伤心。让眼泪不往下流。假装看不见自己伤心的事物。就装成什么也看不到。反正再怎么努力也走不进你的心。。。

second day of school n still breaking records..

HOLY SHIT..i am fucking screwed..firstly..it was the second day of school..and i started breaking records in school!?!?!?! kao..die..today i just wore a topman bootcut jeans wif my topman belt n a black polo t..thats all n i broke record(wif my hp battery died) lolx..i hit 20 again today..lolx..oh ya..saw jovin at business school(near to cheers that stairs) n niki at bus stop today..n the first thing they do when they saw me..shouted.."BEDOK NORTH NO.9 TAN PENG RUI" i turned round n they hugged me then kiss me on my cheek..lolx..its been a long time since i see them..i did saw niki last sem but jovin..err i think the last time i saw her was wif tiffany at parkway..anyway..they still looks as hot as ever..lolx..too bad i am not interested in them..n the girl who keep pestering wy(Yulin) ended up likes me n start msging me cuz i went to look for wy that day when he was teaching..N I SAW HER TODAY!! wy..u better watch out..for wad fuck did u intro me to her!! asshole..if u are going to do that again next time i see vivian when i look for u..better start praying u dun see 'han the monster' in school..i will make sure u die a more terrible death than mine..lolx..today was quite a fun day except for the yulin thingy..lolx..oh ya..then during DICAPP Lab today..me n kaiwen left after doing Lab 1 in 10mins.. =.=

met up wy for beer n then..he face same case as me! diane kiss him so he is deciding wad to do wif rui lynn n diane..good luck boy! hahahas..

wordy post!

haix..my ah ma just had operation on thurs morning..went to visit her after training SOUL then she is soooo skinny lor.. =( anyway..went to give team SOUL training =D wa..first time give training..i more tired than them..played one-on-one with 8 of them..OMG..i almost died..hahas..ok..end of thurs(basically cuz i can't remember) oh ya..went over to Ms hs for brother gathering then there is 2 bottle of vodka which i have no idea why..lolx..then that is the first time..i see all brothers sleeping when we say want ton..lolx..

friday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MERVIN!!! hahas..poor mervin..got such GOOD teamates that want to create more time for him n crystal..xiaopang came out wif that idea so we inform everyone to meet at downtown east instead of ehub(place mervin say to meet at first) then our plan is spoiled because two of them is shy..walked 5 steps then go separate ways?!?!?! lolx..nvm..they still young..lolx..went to buy a cake for mervin as birthday present by SOUL..the cake cost me 51.50 lor..even more expensive than swensens? wth..anyway..first time i celebrate someone's birthday..IN A CARPARK..OMG..then after eating the cake..then play catching in the carpark..we play for like more than an hour then sercuity guard come n chase us..hahas..stupid sercuity(so slow)..btw..mervin came out with an idea..play 4th floor then he come chase us again we go up to 5th floor..so play catching with the sercurity..LOLX!! of cuz we nv do that..SOUL members are considerate k? (err..i hope so) then went up to arcade again! then..we took NEOPRINTS! (crystal jealous??) we got take wif him u nv!! lalalalas..sia lah..i think crystal going to kill me lor..hahas..oh ya..the soul members treating the arcade basketball thingy as their training place!! lolx! btw..so many funny things happen while taking neoprint..cuz i was the only one who take neoprint n decorate before i guess? so i ended up decorating almost all the pics.. =D
oh ya..the neoprint shows like my hair is brown! so cool!! PS. crystal: mervin look damn cute in the neoprint rite? hahas..oh ya..then ernest super tempted to take one girl no. in the arcade..lolx..by the time we go in arcade to look for that girl..she left..hahas..oh ya..notice one super funny thing..that day hot girls are all wearing white..lolx! after that..went to cycle at pasir ris park..then meet up crystal stella n vinise to watch movie..the show 20th century boy is the worst movie i have ever watch in my life!! i actually fell asleep halfway through the movie..lolx..yawns..stupid show..then training again on sat..

lolx..i was late for training again on sat..hahas..then train them how to break one-on-one press..then went to eat..i ate one ban mian then eat ba chou mee..damn shuang n full lor..cab down to queensway shopping centre wif philip cuz he wanna buy shoe..(after seeing kx sprain his ankle) lolx..then then then..he buy a similar shoe as mine!!!!!! just that it have some red colour instead of purely blue n white..lolx..n he buy for $85 but cuz last time i lazy go queensway so buy at parkway for 122.. =.= n somemore i buy wrong size..QI SI WO..took bus 197 to parkway to eat mos burger then he went to take bus 15 then i walk home..

heard this song then find the lyrics very touching..

Cause i believe
那幸福不灭的定律
你的手心
不一定要由我握紧。
就像恒心
总会有发光的原因
Oh i believe
你值得被珍惜
也值得我
放弃。。

so long as u found the happiness u want..even if the person u chose isn't me..its fine..

13 oct

oh ya..forget to blog about 13 oct//that day receive a call from lh say ah kong(gang leader of a gang in Ubi) find ms trouble..so ask everyone of us down to settle..ended up wif a fight that day at near bedok north sec the multi storey carpark..well..this is not the first time ah kong finding trouble liao..that time is beat lh up at jalan tenaga basketball court when we are in sec 3..settle it wif lh n ah kong one-on-one..after so long..yet everytime trying to find trouble..knn..cab down there that day then wanted to talk things out n ask him to apologise to ms..well..things nv go the way we wanted i guess..so we fought..lolx..but..even ah kong gf also cannot stand his attitude(always finding others trouble when he is feeling unhappy) then she went forward n slap him while we are 'settling' stuffs..lolx..then she left wif the whole group of us after the others take down ah gong gang members..lolx..seriously had enough..everytime fight fight fight..

好男人，好处在哪？ 坏男人，报应在哪？

Firstly, i better type something first before getting killed.. =P
*Princess valerie..Happy 18th Birthday!!*

hmm..thanks for the chat just now..i just dunno why i am the '好男人' in ur eyes lor..i mean sometimes..i prefer to be '坏男人' i have no idea why..but..it seems so unfair..why guys who toy with girls feelings nv get hurt in relationships..n they change gf like changing clothes..yet they nv seems to be single for more than a week? yet those guys who are serious in relationship end up getting hurt again n again..

坏男人不懂得如何珍惜爱他的女人。
女人不懂得如何接受爱她的好男人。

perhaps i dun have right to say this..but i just feel..why girls just dunno how to appreciate guys who cares for them..zhang'e, i put in so much effort in that relationship wif her..n does she ever fucking appreciate it a little bit? 打开我的心之后，让我再次去相信爱情后，然后伤害我。如果无法给我，我所追求的爱。就不要打开我封闭的内心。离开之后才告诉我，你更不愉快。不要再对我说放不下和我的过去。我的世界，再冰冷，再孤单，也不会再将心交出来。

wonder why i say '女人不懂得如何接受爱她的好男人'? lolx..perhaps for my case i can't say much..but..among the brothers..zy is together with mandy for 4 years already..other than zy..others who are in a relationship now is..lh, cw, n wy..lh two time yihui last time in sec 3..let go yihui then go n be wif kimmy..then cw..be wif liangzi just because zy is having mandy by his side n i got zhang'e as my gf..then after telling me he waiting for soklyn to break wif her bf then go jio her..then now he is wif another girl..wy..be with rachel for like two weeks then feeling fade..now in a relationship wif rui lynn then now he is two timing rui lynn cuz diane is hotter.. =.=

yet zh and ms..they have been so devoted since sec 1 to jx n clare..yet..jx n clare nv accept zh n ms..but..keep getting hurt by the guy they likes..i just dun understand why...can't be bothered anymore..

心痛

将你双手让给他。
只是因为相信他能给你
你所追求的幸福。
你拒绝我的原因，
只是你逃避的借口。
其实我也知道，
就算３年过去，
你还是不会接受我。
我依然选择等待，
不是期待你会接受我，
而是让自己找个理由，
不离开。
你说我比你年轻。
所以不能接受我。
既然不能是给你幸福的人。
我只好将你的幸福，
交给另一个爱你的人。
心痛，
你不是我，又怎么能体会，
这种痛？
爱你，却不能是那个给你幸福，
不能给你微笑的人。
忍着痛，祝福你和他。
只因为要你放下对爱情的恐惧。
逼自己相信，
你开心，我就开心。。
你幸福，我无所谓。。

record breaking day..

hits a record of 21 girls asking my no. today..lolx..went to sing post cuz lh says he wanna get something in sing post so ask me accompany him..i was sleeping when he call so i thought he going to reach already..wake up n change then go there..end up..i reach le he is at serangoon doing 'something' wif his gf..so i wait there for like 2 hours plus..then..girls after girls asked for my no. lolx..there is this girl damn funny..she was smoking so i saw her already..then i was playing wif my lighter then she comes over n ask if i got lighter cuz she wants to light her cigarette...i was like..err..dun u have a lighter when u are smoking just now..anyway..pass her my lighter then she lights already..says its damn cool the way i play my lighter n ask me to show her..then after that ask me teach her then ask for my no. lolx..then another girl ask for my no. then after she left..another girl came over ask for my no. then the previous girl msg me saying "i saw another girl asking for ur no. =(" lolx..damn funny..then went to sing post toilet..saw the smoking girl(jasmine) with her friends then she smiles n wave so i wave back..walk past them then i heard her friends saying he's hot.. =.=

anyway..wait until lh came then accompany him go buy his stuffs then slack at coffee bean..then..home! i bought hoegarrden home n..it still taste as nice as before!

anyway..my guess is right that he really likes liting..hmm..encouraging her to give him a chance..cuz from her blog..he seems to be a nice guy..i guess..我能放心把丽婷的幸福交给他。心痛，忍一忍就过了吧。我想，没有什么，会比看到她幸福更开心。so long as u feel comfortable wif him..just go on k? 爱情需要勇气，逃避并不是解决办法，而是一个大家能接受的借口。为了你自己，和爱你的人，勇敢一次，去追求属于你自己的幸福。

Happiest day of my life

11 oct..wake up at 9.01am when i was supposed to train the boys at Tampines 940 at 9am..i was like..holy shit..i am screwed..called my captain but he nv answer.. =.= rush to bathe then cab down to the court..then kazuki was even more pro..he thought today training at kembangan..so..end up he is later than me..ask captain how many push-up i need to do cuz i was late..then he say..ask kazuki do 60 push-up..(30 was mine n another 30 was his) lolx..poor kazuki..always kena bully! then after that..rush home n change then took a cab down to collect my tuition fee at bedok reservoir..after collecting..cab down to jurong west for ah ma sujun BBQ..reach her place then help her carry stuffs over to the bbq pit..start fire for a while then i keep irritates her that i am leaving already..cuz brothers are going over to zh place cuz he leaving singapore until 19oct..gosh..i am gonna miss him..hahas..play circle of death..

Rule of game: make a circle with the poker cards then everyone is suppose to take a card each round..
Ace-5 shots of vodka
2-2 shots
3-3shots
4-4shots
5-6shots
6-toilet cut(can go to toilet)
7-rule cut(means can say rules like no one can laugh except me)..whoever breaks the rule drink 2shots
8-rhyme(eg. vodka, pokka, baka) whoever cannot carry on the cycle 2shots
9-category(eg. if i say car brand) everyone must say a car brand..whoever unable to say out..2shots
10-thumbs up(once the card is shown..the person with the card must show a thumbs up) last person to show his thumb..2shots..
J,Q,K-no need drink..
wow..we had so much fun!!

stay up the whole nite then went back home in the morning..sleep for 1 hour then went to prepare to meet my boys at tampines mrt cuz going for the match..i was late again!! hehe..sorry SOUL..had too much fun the day before..anyway..by the time we reach there..LJE U12 is playing..then saw pat at the court also..had quite a long chat with her before our match..after their game ended..its our match against stingers(first five..mervin, ernest, philip, xiaopang, kane) at first SOUL wasn't playing very well n the score was 5-0..then we slowly fight back in the second quarter..whereby stingers nv score any points in second quarter..we won the first match with 7 points..second match against sharks..its immediately after the game against stingers..but the boys morale is high after winning stingers(which we regard as one of the best team in the tournament) then we beat sharks 64-32..the score is twice of the sharks..kaixiang sprain his ankle though..

after the match..went to paya lebar sing post to have dinner together at long john..the day is the happiest day of my life..

i nv say before..but SOUL is my only hope for basketball!! =)

super tiring..

btw..today after training the boys..i went home n took a quick shower n meet up wy at pp again..i was late n he waited for me at outside 7 eleven..then he call when i reach the bus stop n say there is one freaking hot girl there ask me faster go over..lolx..ok..i go over then saw that girl he is talking about..er..rate her around 7.5/10..we left cuz wy need to collect his pay at katong then when we crossing the overhead bridge..she n her friends walking towards parkway..3 of them suddenly smile at two of us then we are like.."hmmmmm" lolx..then..we saw adilah behind that hot girl..she is same class as us in sec1 n 2..i hasn't talk to her since then..hahas..n after wy receive his pay..he came out n tell me that girl tending the shop was telling him "that guy outside is ur friend ar? ask him come in lah..he looks quite cute" thanks to wy for not telling me earlier..i even smile cuz she was looking at us while we are leaving..after that went back to pp to 'xian' girls lor..lolx..keep seeing adilah no matter where we go..hahas..went to starbucks and chill wif coffee n cigarrettes..then i went toilet..i saw the hot girl wy said..then when i came out..she was outside n ask for my no. OPPS..better dun tell wy..hahas!

went home n slack until 10pm my mom comes home..then she scold me from the moment she steps into the hs..CCB..siao..until i cannot tahan..i shout back.."你吃炸药阿？回来就骂不停" then give her attitude..after that nv talk at all..confirm guarantee tml morning see me sure ask me say sorry cuz i give attitude to her..everytime also like that..KNN..nv do anything wrong..also must say sorry..FUCK!!

forgive me..now i going to scold all the vulgar languages here..KNN CCB FUCKING DULAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shopping for junwei present

lolx..yest damn funny..went out in the afternoon with xiuting cuz she wanted to get junwei present..so went to parkway shop a while..then got this group of victoria jc girls walking behind of me..n start saying stuffs like "that white polo t guy in front quite hot lehx..too bad he got a gf" cuz xiuting was showing me her msg so we seems quite close..then..xiuting damn bad lor..she wanted to laugh but hold back..n act as though she is jealous..lolx!!! so when we went out of pp..we laughed like mad cuz when xiuting hold my arms tight..the girls expression was damn funny..

想忘却忘不了

为什么要在离开以后，
告诉我你更不愉快?
曾以为放手是让你幸福
如今你受伤回来。
要我如何再接受你的爱。
我会痛，
是因为你不曾在我需要你时
陪在我身边。
我应该恨你，
却无法将你从记忆里抹煞
和你的回忆，
是唯一的伤痛。

some stuffs i did these few days

hasn't been updating my blog since wj chalet..hahas..damn fun that day..a pity zy nv join us..and wj dun like zutu..so two of them are missing from group of brothers..lolx..we were all surprised!! cw got a gf..and she stays at haig rd blk 23..while cw live at blk 22..hahas..i can disturb both of them whenever i want liao..anyway..wy join us at around 9 but most of them left..for clubbing n home..soklyn came over to the chalet after wj they all went to club n lh they all haven leave..first time i saw her in person..lolx..then when wy comes..he bought liquor then jun wy zh n me started playing wif the cards..walao..zh is damn lucky lor..n i drink the most.. =( lolx..but fun!!! hahas..didn't sleep for the whole nite n was talking cock wif zh, jun n wy..lolx..hey wy..thanks alot for coming though u need to work the next day early in the morning.. =)

me n wy really chain smoke through the nite..n thank god for letting me have such a wonderful brother by my side..wy..thanks for ur listening ear again..just found out that no matter how hard i tried to hide..late in the nite when memory hits back..my heart just hurts like crap..be it ze, val or cy..haix..

anyway..i screwed myself up the next day after the chalet..i slept for just one hour then ying called to return me money then i went off to give tuition for the whole day..lolx..i am stupid!

yesterday met up wy for supper but we was just drinking..tried the beer the auntie recommend instead of carlsberg.."special brew"..its from carlsberg also but it is much smoother as compared to carlsberg..rate it 8.5/10..hehe..anyway..best thing now is 'red bull classic + dunhill reds' wy recommendation..hahas..its like 10/10 lor.. =) shall end here now..bb

happy birthday wj...

firstly..Happy Birthay Weijian!! i will make sure i be there as early as possible k? for ur chalet. =) brothers will all be turning up..so..Yippee! miss them lots! lolx..anyway..i going to enjoy myself tml! lucky those brothers dun drink much..so guess won't drunk..hahas..

read ur blog..erm..if he dun know how to appreciate esther..he got no right to say love at all..toying ppl's feeling..thats not wad a man will do..fucking pussy..can't believe he is even older than me..Childish asshole! cannot scold at ur tagboard so i type here..lolx! u hor! going to die the next time i meet u..of all the ppl u know..u go drink wif him.......... =.=

oh ya..i was damn fucked up wif my mom today cuz she called n malign me for something i NV do..i almost screw her up in the phone while on my way back..my tone was from: "我在bus了，在eunos,要到了。" to..“hana hana..bye!" hang up the phone n first thing that came out of my mouth was "FUCK" lolx..