我恨你！！！

我好想恨你，应该恨你。你曾闯进我的世界，却选择离开，让我不再相信。原来，要去恨一个你爱过的人，是这么难的事。。。
一想到过去，你不肯放弃走进我的世界，可是你走进后，却放弃我，我的心，像被刀刺伤一样。你顾及她们的感受，而选择放弃我，那我的感受就不用管吗？或许对你而言，我的感受，你根本不在乎。说穿了，你根本没有为我勇敢的去坚持。你的爱，就这么多。。。
我决定，去放弃这个你不愿努力的感情。然后封闭自己的内心，不让任何人，再走进。。

my updates

oh ya..friday went bball after school+ training the saint hildas team..then my old injuries act up quite a no. of times..looks like my ankle cannot support the way i play any longer..should i just continue playing like i always do..n let my ankle break? since its just me alone now..

sat..suppose to meet nelson,wei zhong n some saint hildas boys for dota at crossfire(though i dunno how to play) at 8.30..but chat wif xiu min jie till quite late then sleep..already set alarm le..but nv press the thingy..so i sleep until 8.02 then wake up..msg nelson say i not going le..end up..he ask me meet them at tamp inter at 9..mervin is such a good alarm clock..nv be surprise if u wake up n have 61 missed calls..cuz..thats his record for waking nelson up the other day..i got 3 missed calls only.. =D anyway..played dota but seriously dunno..so kena kill like mad..after that wait until anthony call say on the way to tm..we took bus to tamp inter n saw Crystal there..phillip saw her then ran back n tell us about it..cuz someone is wif us..so we intend to go over..me n weizhong walk super fast..then weizhong ask me pull her hair hit the wall.. -.- hahas..i went over n make her hair nia..after that..she msg me 'make my hair again xD' (cuz its not the first time i make her hair liao)..hahas.. =D so i think..making her hair is my way of greeting her liao..lolx..then went seoul garden eat damn long..having fun n stuffs..after that went arcade..then saw four xiao mei mei..keep looking over our direction..then nelson say want go di siao say 'xiao jie, wo de peng you(point mervin) wanna ren shi ni' =P but no fun de..cuz we didn't go play..after that nelson n mervin went off..nelson to find his gf..mervin to his godma hs..

so me weizhong anthony n xiao pang slack around in tm n century square..end up we went off to play lan again..xiao pang damn happy lor..walk even faster than us..after that went to watch movie but 'wanted' is full..so we went 'u dun mess wif zohan' super funny..but i can't laugh much cuz thinking something..after that walk to safra there..around 12.15 le..took bus 28 home..smoke 2 more sticks le then go home..

total sticks on thursday=14
total sticks on friday=9
total sticks on sat=11
total sticks on sun=7

事实往往最伤人。。。

要我忘记你
我做不到。
要我恨你
我办不到。


比赛不到哨声响，就还有机会能反败为胜。教练曾说过，要能接受输球，却不能接受放弃。我一直秉持这种想法，对爱情也一样。不过，我不知道，这场爱情比赛里，我的终场哨声响了没有。。。比赛，结束了吗？

完美

你追求完美，
可是完美，
在这世界里，
无论什么都不会是完美的。

我所喜欢的你
是你的不完美
是最自然的你，
是最白痴的你
因为在我眼里
那才是最完美的你。

再说什么也没用，
心再痛，你又能做什么？
要说的，只剩下，
再见。。。。。

我从来没后悔将自己的内心封闭，这一次，让我觉得，我的决定，是对的。
既然在一起，结果是分离，到底在一起的原因是什么？

anyway..perhaps enough for my emo-ness liao..hahas..today..went training wif nelson, his friend(ji ken) n anthony..then only assistance coach Jr there..pat n her friend left after a while..play full court today..nelson, ji ken, anothony, alex n me in a team..lolx..first quarter end the time..almost fought wif nic..cuz..nic go elbow nelson..heng nelson siam..anthony saw..then when nic guai lan..anthony go over confront him..i see he so lao lan..almost bash him liao..we were leading by 20 points anyway..then 2nd quarter..Jr play for them then they fought back a bit..think is 4th quarter..i pass to nelson then wanna cut in play one-two..ccb..that person put his leg trip me down..then i fucking du lan liao..but did control myself a bit..then..after everything le..Jr let us play 4-on-4..that fucking guy trip me again..then when he tries to shoot..i jump out pull him down n step on his leg..fuck it..his leg nv break..DAMN..then went 813 slack all the way until 9+ go home..buy a pack of cigarrette..go home..blog n msn..lolx..

今天后，我的世界，只有黑白

眼泪不断的流，
心像被狠狠刺了一刀。
我无可否认，
我确实爱上了你。
我选择去相信
结果还是回到原点。
如果你，
偶然看到这内容时，
不要哭，我会愿意放手
是知道你很难受。
不要在为了你自己的选择
觉得自己错了。
一个人的选择，
总会伤到一些人。
我只是不幸的，
选择在错的时候爱上你
在错的时候出现
因而成了这个决定，
受伤的一个人。
一切或许是注定的。。
既然选择了，
就不要回头，
不要后悔
不要伤心

不要再觉得难受，
这是我，最后的希望。
永远开心的大笑，
这才我认识的你。。。
勇敢的继续走下去。。
=)



（我哭后，会将自己再度封闭，继续当在别人面前，不一样的我）
或许，快不快乐，对我而言，不再重要。。。

我决定不再相信

你的对不起，永远也改变不了，我不会再相信爱情的决定。
最后，你依然选择放弃我。。。那当初就不要给我承诺。


我渐渐在打开的心，却因为你的对不起，再度封闭。
我的世界，再也和你没有关系。
你很为难，我了解，也猜到哪一天你会选择她们，放弃我。
只是我选择相信你的承诺，
是我太傻~~~~~~~~~

祝福你，
幸福。。。。

我真的累了。
到底有谁知道
在面具底下的我，
是个怎样的我。。。。。

等等等

等待，默默的一直等待。
等待一个奇迹出现
我的心就像是企鹅，
生活在冰冷的南极。
长年累积，
我的心，
已被冰冻起来。
外表看似不在乎。
可是内心，
却比任何人渴望温暖
我一直等待
希望有人会发现，
最真实的鹏锐。


渴望有一天，
能将伪装自己的面具拿掉

不要再说爱我

我真的希望，不要再说爱我。
你们的爱，对我来说，太沉重。
说爱我，我却感觉不到你们的爱。


说是内心冰冷，封闭。
其实，一碰就瓦解。
我却不了解为什么，
走到我内心门口的人，
要转身离开。
我的内心世界，
是真的走不进去，
还是你们根本不愿走进我的世界。。。

我一直在等，
等待一个人。
愿意真的走进我的世界

是我想太多，我的世界不会再完整。。。

记忆里的楼梯口，
曾经陪着我的，
是欢笑，是篮球，是你。
如今，
同样的楼梯口，
是眼泪，是香烟，是悲伤情歌。

怀念曾拥有的世界

I am kinda tired of hearing "i will be by ur side whenever u need me to be by ur side" lolx..n when i really need someone to be there..no one is..wad is it so proud of having ppl asking ur no. n saying they likes u/love u/willing to wait n will be by ur side..when none of them really do..

我累了，在不同人的面前，一直扮演不一样的自己。有的时候，我真的希望一切能回到中三那年。和兄弟一起玩，闹，疯。回到属于篮球的世界，又如何？ 就算找回打球的快乐。我的脚，已经没办法支持我的打法。好怀念那种全场为我打气的感觉，一切都没了。。。那种回忆，早已化为乌有。

supper at 121

Just came back home after supper wif zy, kenneth, ms, kh..hehes..though nv eat cuz mom cook dinner le..but..chatting n talking cock is still a very nice bonding..hahas..really miss those days in secondary school..where 10 person stay in class after school..having so much fun every single day!!suddenly recall there is once..forget is who bu shuang who..then we stay back in class as usual one day..when teachers all left..we close the door n window panes..move the tables to the sides n start fighting one-on-one..then zh kick jun until he hit the whiteboard(thingy which we leave the markers)..end up jun next day nv come school cuz his right shoulder injuried..but after that everyone are close again!! hahas..but lucky sia..fight in class nv get caught!! advantage of being in 2nd best class..hahas..i think if we are in N(T) confirm tio caught one lor..lolx..actually say meet at 9.30..but i thought the bus will be like super slow..so i leave hs at around 8.30..took the bus at 8.45..n guess wad..the bus took only 15mins to reach the stop..walao..then msg zy told him i reach le..

was slacking at 121 coffee shop until others came..one cup of iced kopi last me for like 1h 30mins? hehes..start chatting about how to celebrate kenneth de birthday cuz he got plans already.. =) i really hope time can turn back to sec3..really miss those days!! imagine one big group of guys walking around in school..COOL lor..

oh ya..going to pp to shop for my dad's gift..OMG..tempted to buy my own stuffs!! i want topman's jeans($103), formal top($79), cap($29), n t-shirts($19-$43)..espirt de shirt($79) n watch($199)..GUESS DE WATCH($500)..Sleketon ring($70) dun have my size though =( addidas shoe($132)..OMG..i will be broke!! but i seriously love these!! think i will save n buy them for sure!! hhehehe..

stupid day

ok..must breathe in n out first before i type..Miss Crystal Tan has been complaining my blog being emo..erm..well..been like this since i start blogging..ok lor..i change change a bit..hahas

My stupid elder brother is super sotong lah..actually say tml go out finalise n buy the watch for my dad for father's day gift..but..he msg me in the afternoon say that he today nv book out..thursay n friday no off..which means..i have to get the present myself..OMG!! the watch he see was at centrepoint de city chain..then..no way ask me go down alone!! siao..there is like everytime shuang shuang dui dui..somemore dun wanna go nearby the cold storage i work before..hahas..so end up..i went to Parkway Parade..in the bus..three girls came up the bus then keep looking over..can't be bothered..alight at PP de time..they came over ask my no. then while climbing the overhead bridge..think i saw joe de 'da yan mei' not sure is it her anot..lolx..then..went city chain look here n there..aiya..bought one watch for 230bucks..dunno my dad will like anot..then went to cold storage look for my gan ma..chat a while wif her then go topman buy a belt n slippers..

after that..while waiting for bus..a girl holding a volleyball come over talk to me n took my no. again.. -.- bus-ed home n..sit down n blog..lolx

hmm..going out for supper wif zy ms n kenneth..miss them lots man!! hahas..will be talking lots of craps...bb

过去

和你在一起，
曾经是我这辈子最完美的生日礼物。
我曾经以为，
这段感情会长久。
大家也以为我们会一直幸福下去
可是事实往往相反
或许我从来不会后悔为你放弃篮球。
因为当时，
我觉得只要能和你长长久久在一起
一切都值得。
这段感情的结束
我已经不在意
是谁对谁错
知道你现在是幸福的
就够了。。。
过去已成回忆
和你开心过，
伤心过
心痛过，
都是回忆。
祝福你
一直和你选择的人
幸福下去

我的选择

我选择去放弃我一直追求的世界。
选择不去爱。
我仿佛回到4年前的我。
一心让自己活在只有篮球的世界
放弃所有爱我和我爱的人
或许以后的我，
会后悔我现在的选择。
可是至少现在的我，
不想再看到我在乎的人,
因为我流泪。
4年前发生的事。
仿佛一幕一幕重现。
我怕，害怕自己又会再次历史重演。。。。